Grief is a Reflection of How Deeply You Loved Them

August is Overdose Awareness Month. It’s a time of reflection, emotion, and sometimes grief. Those of us who have lost a loved one to a drug overdose know the deep, wide, and raw pain we are left with. Sometimes we feel alone and lost in the dark, and sometimes if we are lucky, we have a great support system to lean into. No matter the age of our loved one who has passed and no matter how long it’s been, we know that sharing stories of their lives can help erase the stigma surrounding this type of awful loss, and can help us heal others and even ourselves.

Mandolyne Eleazar has graciously opened up about the loss of her dear son, and her journey on this painful path called grief.

Can you tell us a little bit about your son? (What was he like, what did he love, how do you remember him?)

Jovanni, or as some people knew him as, Jovi… was 18 when he passed. He was the first great-grandchild for my grandparents, the first grandchild for mine and his father’s parents, and our first of three sons.

He loved creating music and sketching – he was incredibly talented. He also loved video games – Mario, Sonic, and Pokémon were his favorites. Those characters brought him so much joy. I remember the way his face lit up when he talked about them or beat a tough level. Especially when he was trying to beat one of his friends.

We’d all go on little adventures together ever since he was young, always looking for new places to explore. Some of my favorite memories are from those times.

Even though he faced his own struggles, he always tried to be there for others – he had such a big heart. He was funny, creative, and had this unique way of making people smile, even when he was hurting. I will always remember him as someone who felt deeply, loved fiercely, and expressed himself through his art and imagination. He’ll always be with me – in everything I do, and everywhere I go.

Would you be willing to share a bit about his journey with substance use and what led to his passing?

Jovi’s journey with substance use started as a way to cope with deep emotional pain and mental health struggles after his father and I got divorced, and then shortly after his great-grandfather, whom he was extremely close to, passed away due to complications of COVID. It wasn’t something he ever planned or wanted – it was something that slowly took hold over time. He was doing his best to survive in a world that didn’t always feel safe or forgiving.

He wanted to get better. He had goals. Got his G.E.D. and was planning on joining the military and continuing to pursue his music career. He had moments of hope, strength, and healing. He was in continuous therapy. He did a few stays at a wonderful residential facility for teens called Newport Academy in Connecticut, among a few other stays at other facilities. Eventually, he learned to put into it what he wanted to get out of it.

But addiction is powerful, and it’s often misunderstood. It’s not a choice – it’s an illness, and it doesn’t take away someone’s worth or the love they give and deserve. He had been clean from opioids for about nine months before he lost his battle to the toxic effects of fentanyl on November 24, 2024 – just 23 days after his 18th birthday.

What do you wish more people understood about overdose, addiction, and the grief that follows?

What I want people to know is that our loved ones are not their addiction. Jovanni was so much more than his struggle. He was creative, funny, compassionate, and deeply loved. And he loved others just as fiercely. He deserved to be seen for who he was, not just what he battled.

I also wish more people understood that overdose and addiction don’t only happen to a certain “type” of person. It can touch any family, any home. Addiction is not a choice – it’s a disease, often rooted in deep pain, mental health struggles, and the desperate need to feel some kind of relief. Overdose isn’t always about recklessness – it’s often about someone just trying to survive another day.

I think about how much I wanted to be his safe space. And I was, in many ways – but if he had felt safe enough to say, “I feel the urge to use,” and if we had been in a world where that conversation could lead to safety instead of silence… maybe things would be different. We need to create that kind of space – for openness, for harm reduction, for meeting people where they are without shame.

Grief after a loss like this is layered. It’s not just mourning their absence, it’s mourning their struggle, the shame they carried, the judgment they faced, and the what-ifs that never stop echoing. You grieve the life they lived, the one they should’ve had, and all the love you’ll never stop carrying.

More than anything, I want more people to lead with compassion. Love the ones who are struggling. See the human being, not just the addiction. And never underestimate the power of simply being there – without judgment, without conditions – because sometimes, that space can save a life. Love them. Keep loving them. Because they are still there – beneath the pain, beneath the addiction. And they need that love more than ever.

How has your family been coping with the loss? (What has helped you, and what has made it harder?)

Coping with the loss has been incredibly hard – for all of us. There’s no real guide for this kind of grief. It changes you. Some days feel impossible. There are moments where the weight of his absence is unbearable, and others where a memory, a song, or a small reminder brings a flicker of warmth, even through the pain.

What’s helped is remembering all the ways he would make us laugh or show he cared. I do my best to keep his memory alive. Saying his name. Sharing stories. Continually releasing his music and drawings on social media and streaming platforms. We try to honor the full, beautiful person he was – not just how he died. Connecting with other grieving families has been a lifeline. There’s comfort in knowing we’re not alone, even when it feels like the world moves on without him.

What’s made it harder is the silence. The stigma. When people avoid talking about him or reduce his life to the few mistakes he’s made while trying to navigate growing up. It deepens the pain. It isolates you. And it makes an already unbearable loss feel even heavier.

But the grief… it takes a toll. On your body, your mind, your spirit. People always say I’m strong, but I have never felt so weak, so helpless, so broken in my life. Grief has affected my sleep, my appetite, my ability to think clearly – it seeps into every part of your being. It’s exhausting. And it’s invisible, which makes it even harder. Because on the outside, you might look okay. But inside, it’s a constant ache.

And, oh, seeing his 16-year old brother grieve… it’s so heartbreaking. They were close. Only two years apart. And he does not know a life without his older brother. We want to fix it and take away all of the pain from them, but we can’t. It’s not something we can go over or go under – we have to just go through it.

We’re still figuring out how to live in this new reality – one breath, one day at a time. Grief doesn’t get easier, but we learn to carry it. And through it all, I carry him – with love, with pride, and with a heart that will always ache for him.

Have you found any healing or purpose in sharing your story, supporting others, or raising awareness?

I am trying to and I’d like to think it is (or it will). I’m hoping to do more but it’s hard to know where to start. I have so many emotions and I just want to make sure that I am directing that pain and energy into something that makes a positive impact.

What would you say to other families who are grieving the loss of a loved one due to overdose?

Ah – sometimes it really is hard to find the words. To other families grieving the loss of a loved one due to addiction: I feel your pain in the deepest parts of my heart. This kind of grief is heavy – it’s complicated, raw, and often misunderstood by those who haven’t lived it. Please know that you are not alone. What happened was not your fault. You loved them. You tried. And they knew that. Addiction is a cruel disease, and it can take even the brightest, kindest, most beautiful souls. And honestly, more often than not, we lose the person well before they physically pass away. There is no “right” way to grieve. Some days you’ll feel like you’re barely holding on, and other days you might laugh and then feel guilty for it. Let yourself feel it all. There’s no timeline. No playbook. Just your love, your memories, and your right to keep speaking their name.

Don’t let anyone make you feel like their life was less meaningful because of how it ended. Your loved one was so much more than their addiction. They mattered. They still matter. And your grief is a reflection of how deeply you loved them.

Lean on others who understand. Find your people – whether in support groups, online communities, or quiet one-on-one conversations. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning how to carry them forward with you. Be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can in the aftermath of something you never should’ve had to endure.

Is there anything you’d like to share to honor your son’s memory during Overdose Awareness Month? (A quote, a message, a photo, or something he would’ve wanted the world to know.)

Jovi was incredibly talented. I’m still working through the hundreds of songs he created – each one carrying a piece of his heart, his pain, his perspective. You can find most of his music on Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube Music under the name “lostmulto.”

I also share some of his sketches and artwork on Instagram from time to time – the page is @lostmulto. It’s a space to keep his creativity alive, and to let others see the world the way he did, even just for a moment.

I believe it’s important to share people’s art – especially when it’s created from a place of raw emotion and experience. Art like his isn’t accidental. It wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t meant to connect with someone out there. My hope is that by sharing it, others will be encouraged to take what they feel – no matter how heavy – and turn it into something meaningful. Because our stories, our pain, and our love are all worth expressing.

Link to music + art: https://hyperfollow.com/lostmulto

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Dear Loyal Supporters:

As you know, August is Overdose Awareness Month—a time of deep reflection, remembrance, and connection. For many of us, this month brings a tender mix of grief and strength. It’s a time when we honor the lives lost to substance use, and we stand beside those left carrying the weight of that loss.

This December marks ten years without my daughter. Even after a decade, the grief still finds its way into the quiet, unexpected moments. Just this month, I was caught off guard twice by the song Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N’ Roses—once in the grocery store, and again in my car. That song was popular when she was a little girl and will always be a reminder of her childhood—her smile, her energy, her innocence.

The lyrics hit especially hard:
“Now and then when I see her face, she takes me away to that special place, and if I stared too long, I’d probably break down and cry.” And I did. Tears filled my eyes, and my heart ached.

I share this with you to remind you that no matter how much time has passed, grief has no timeline—and you are not alone. Whether your loss is recent or years behind you, your pain is real, your love is enduring, and your story matters.

At Rage Against Addiction, everything we do is in honor of our loved ones. We carry their names, faces, and stories with us every day. Let this month be a reminder: you are seen, you are held, and you are part of a community that understands.

A shout out to the sweet love of mine and yours.

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F.Y.I.

Our Coloring Books / Journals are still available on Amazon. These beautifully designed books are a peaceful way to reflect, heal, and love. Your purchase will not only support our programs but will allow for mindfulness, relaxation, and creativity. Please browse and buy here: Rage Coloring Books & Journals

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Our Event Calendar is always up-to-date on event times and details about registration information. Please keep coming back to see what we’ve added and how you can participate.

*Scroll down to the bottom of our Events Calendar to SUBSCRIBE so that our events will be added to your personal calendar.

We welcome you to join us this September, during National Recovery Month, to hear stories from women in recovery who are learning to get back to what is most important to them. Tune in!

September 14: Don’t miss our annual Recovery Month Basket Bingo — a family-friendly afternoon full of fun! Bring your friends, family, and neighbors to enjoy exciting bingo games, win great prizes, and treat yourself to tasty desserts from our bake sale. Tickets are available now, and proceeds will benefit our programs and recovery houses. We will also have some gently used and new vintage handbags for sale. Will we see you there?!

September 27: Our first-ever Home Runs for Hope softball event is a chance for our community to come together in support of substance use prevention, recovery services, and education — all while honoring unity, remembrance, and hope. Gather your family and friends, form a team, sponsor us, and get ready for a fun-filled day on the field! We can’t wait to see you there. (Please remember to bring your own gear.) Please check out registration, team-building, and sponsorship details here.

October 9: Mark your calendars! Bushmill Tavern in Abingdon, MD is the place to be on Thursday, October 9th, from 6:00–9:00 PM. Love to paint and express your creativity? Or maybe you’re just looking for a fun  family outing filled with laughter, great company, and supporting a meaningful cause? Join us for Paint Night! For just $40 per ticket, you’ll enjoy an evening of painting, meet members of the Rage team, and leave with your very own masterpiece. Tickets are on sale now — reserve yours today!

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We serve locally but think globally. For counseling, or for addiction, substance abuse disorder, or mental illness treatment, please contact your area’s health department, county government, hospital, or law enforcement agency.

Addiction Connections Resource: A non-profit organization that assists with providing resources and support for addiction treatment and that educates the community about substance abuse disorder. Located in Fallston, MD. Please visit here or call 443-417-7810 for more information.

Ashley Addiction Treatment: An inpatient treatment center that personalizes clinical programs based on individual need. Located in Havre De Grace, MD. Please visit here or call 800-799-4673 for information about online and in-person meeting services.

Celebrate Recovery: A local support group for those with addictive behaviors. Located in Bel Air, MD and Joppa, MD.​

Mt. Zion Church (1643 Churchville Road, Bel Air, MD 21015): every Thursday at 5:45pm. Please visit here for more information about meetings.

Mountain Christian Church (New Life Center 1802 Mountain Road, Joppa, MD 21085): every Friday at 6:00pm. Please visit here for more details.

GRASP (Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing): A local support group for those who have lost someone to addiction.

6:30pm on the 2nd Wednesday of each month.

Located at Mt. Zion Church: 1643 Churchville Road, Bel Air, MD 21015 (Rooms 13-15)

Contact lisa.craig4@verizon.net for more information. The private national Facebook group is available. Please visit here to ask to join.

The Klein Family Harford Crisis Center: A clinic that provides immediate care for mental health and addiction. Located in Bel Air, MD. Please visit here or call 410-874-0711 for information about services.

Loving An Addict: A local support group for family and friends of those in active addiction.

6:30pm every Tuesday

Located at Mt. Zion Church: 1643 Churchville Road, Bel Air, MD 21015 (Rooms 13-15)

Please visit here for more details.

Voices Of Hope: An organization made up of people in recovery who advocate for behavioral health disorder prevention, intervention, treatment and recovery resources, who eliminate the stigma of addiction through outreach events and education, and who support all pathways of recovery including harm reduction and Narcan training. Located in Cecil County, MD. Please visit here or call 443-933-7055 for information about services.

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Daughter’s House: Designed to assist women who are transitioning from substance abuse treatment to recovery; includes three Level II Maryland Certification of Recovery Residence (MCORR) sober living houses (Daughter’s House, Sister House, and The Cottage) located in Harford County, MD. Each house is tailored to meet each individual’s needs.

RAA ABC (After Baby Care) / DEF (Donate to Every Family): Thanks to new funding awarded by Harford County, Maryland, we are expanding our ABC Program (After Baby Care) and launching a companion initiative called DEF (Donate to Every Family). These programs are designed to directly support Harford County families (now extending services through age 18) affected by addiction, with a special focus on mothers in recovery and their children.

HALO (How to Live Without Our Addicted Loved One): An online grief support group specifically for those that lost loved ones to substance abuse. Click here to ask to join the private Facebook page. *Please read and answer the membership questions prior to joining.*

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Wendy Beck: Founder and Executive Director

Rachel Bongiorno: Daughter’s House Program Director and Recovery Coach, and Advisory Board Member

Mia Ellis: Administrator and Advisory Board Member

Tara Kuzma: Board President

Amanda Buddenbohn: Board Secretary

Shawn Partain: Board Treasurer

Rich Bennett: Board Member

Meredith Morris: Board Member

Jeff Pollard: Board Member